If I've ever bought a smile
Friday, 28 August 2015
When Life is running away from me - A Poetry
If I've ever bought a smile
Does meditation help for depression?
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| According to WHO, depression is a common mental disorder, globally, more than 350 million people of all ages suffer from depression |
In depression one tends to think mostly self-destructive thoughts that further complicate the whole problem. Meditation on the other side, helps in relaxing your mind from the incessant activity of thinking. It gives your mind a much needed break. When you meditate regularly, one tends to feel as if you have gained some degree of control over your thoughts and emotions and at the same time you start feeling like you are living more in the present moment and less in the future or past (which is precisely what one tends to do in depression).
I remember enrolling for the Art of Living Part 1 course back then in 2009 and as meditation was practiced regularly it did bring me a very strong sense of clarity in terms of summoning up my strengths together so that I can take steps to resolve all my issues within myself one after another. However, I did not stop at meditation alone. I started watching motivational movies and documentaries, 'The Secret by Rhonda Byrne' being one of them. Started reading some inspirational books and started making myself open to new and positive people in order to create some healthy connections that can help me get out of this rut (I strongly believe that the people you hangout with affects the quality of your life).
As a conclusion I strongly think that that if you are depressed for a very long time and if you do not have anyone in your life who can give you the space where you can free your emotional burden, then meditation and spirituality are the two most powerful tools that can turn the tables around, provided that you keep walking on that path until you feel completely refreshed on an emotional and mental level. I say all of this as someone who suffered from a combination of social phobia and depression for more than 4 years of my teenage life.
Is your Life trying to tell you something? Are you ignoring it, unknowingly?
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| If you wonder why Life keeps on giving you the same headaches again and again to handle, it is time to look again with a different viewpoint |
- Self-limiting to Self-liberating
- From weakening to strengthening
- From giving too much of momentousness to what people say and think about you to paying more attention to what YOU think about your 'SELF'.
- Taking the focus from the external frame of reference and turning it into internal frame of reference
Thursday, 27 August 2015
How do you understand a person whom you can not see?
- In a casual chat, allow her to choose the topic of the conversation and pay close attention to it. The topic she chooses to discuss most frequently, determines her level of awareness and maturity.
- If you have the scope of getting into a discussion with her about anything that is intellectual and pay close attention not just to what her opinions are about it but also to the way she frames her opinions
- To take the point mentioned above to the next level you can simply take up a hot or slightly controversial topic (for example say, racism) and start playing a temporary villain by putting forward an opinion that should sound as if you are pro-racism and then wait and watch what her reaction is. Be careful not to make too radical statements or else if her personal values are strong, she might just start ignoring you, if you know what I mean.
- To know how much of an empath she is, just try to share a couple of your serious issues with her and give subtle hints that you are feeling low due to them and see if she helps you out to get rid of your emotional burden and offers you the space where you can share your issues with her at ease
- If she is a truly a gem of a person, she will turn her kindest side towards you so as to make sure that you end the chat with a smile on your face
Tuesday, 25 August 2015
How to make a woman fall in love with you? Or can you?
Beyond being YOURSELF there are certain things you can practice to be the best person of her life:
- Understanding her (with all her complexities)
- Giving her the 'space' where she feels supported & cared
- Listening without interrupting and without jumping to conclusions
- If at all you are angry at something that she has done, then you need to express it against that specific action of hers and not against 'herself' as a person, as this will hurt immensely and will give her a strong reason to re-think if she can really "be with you forever"
- Whenever she is talking something important, pay 100% undivided attention to her
- If you have understood her basic psyche you will reach a stage where even if she wears a fake smile, you will immediately know the difference. Whenever that happens, make sure you exhibit your concern and ask her if she is upset over anything and if turns out to be the case then you need to wear you 'Good Listener' cap and allow her to empty her heart out
Sunday, 23 August 2015
How to know if you are an Introvert or an Extrovert?
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| Introvert vs Extrovert |
Although the reason behind why I changed is a long story in itself and not relevant to this discussion too. However, in the capacity of my introvert-turned-extrovert experiences I can jot down a few points that may help bring clarity in knowing if you are an introvert or an extrovert.
- As an introvert (or so to say) I was never sure about saying YES to attending an event where I will be seeing many unknown faces. Whenever someone use to invite me for a party (or any like event) where most of my fellow attendees would be strangers for me, my immediate natural response coming from within would be a sense of awkwardness. Today, when someone calls me to join for a similar gathering I feel neutral most of the time and in some cases I feel excited too
- This may be an unusual indicator but a couple of years back I use to avoid putting my picture on social media accounts as well as on any messenger apps as opposed to today, where I am quite comfortable with it
- When I have made a new friend and if at all that person asks me general questions (just to get the conversation started) I use to feel as if he/she is getting personal. This use to make me perceive them with an eye of suspicion. Today, I do not feel that anymore. On the contrary, I would admit that in most conversations, I am the one who takes the initiative of getting the conversation started and I am quite active in asking general questions in order to know more about that individual (I stay away from asking questions that have a possibility of making that person feel uncomfortable in talking to me, that way I am mindful of being under my limits)
- You meet someone new, you both talk for a few hours and then after a couple of days or may be a week or two you see this person again, would you take the initiative of saying a 'Hey, What's up?' or would you remain passive and expect him/her to greet you?
Saturday, 22 August 2015
How can you practice Gratitude in the midst of Suffering?
I have noticed that when times are too tough for me to face, it is the feeling of being thankful to God for all His blessings that prevents me from becoming too weak and falling into the pit of hopelessness (the vulnerability of which is very high in times of crisis)
“When you see a person who has been given more than you in money and beauty, then look to those who have been given less.”
Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h)
"If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily." Gerald Good
Frank A. Clark
"When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around."
Willie Nelson
"In ordinary life, we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer
How do you Motivate yourself when you have no external sources of Motivation?
Motivation that has its source 'within oneself' triumphs over external motivation as it comes from deeper understanding that carries with itself a heavy emotional strength. As an example let us consider that my family and friends suggest me to hit the gym and get in shape. Although I do understand and value the concern they have for me and it does make perfect sense too, but for some reason I do not have an inner drive or that necessary enthusiasm to reduce my weight and tone myself up. One fine day, I take a good look at a picture of myself where I stand beside my 'in-shape' office colleagues. As I look at myself carefully, I begin to realize how unattractive I look with these excess pounds. This is where I link my weight with my 'looks'. Soon after this realization, comes an inner push to do something about it & from the next day onwards I myself hitting the gym and adopting healthy eating habits.
Although, there are a number of ways one can motivate oneself. They all differ person to person as we all have different beliefs and attitudes. Let me jot down a few of them that have worked for me.
- I do a simple but powerful exercise that involves looking at where I was a few years back (3 to 4 years back) and then compare my life at that time as to what it is today. I then write down at least 10 significant changes that I have experienced so far and also look at the ways they have affected my life (whether positively or negatively). When I realize that NO extraordinary improvement has taken place, I consider that as a wake -up call to take better quality decisions and actions
- Doing a quick self-analysis on whether my capabilities have been used to the fullest or have they been largely unused. This gives me clarity on my all the mental and emotional blocks of my life. This helps me understand where I am stuck. Once the root cause is detected, a strong current of self-motivation gets triggered to get rid of that root cause which is not allowing me to live my potential to the fullest. One such example can be the fear of public speaking that hinders many opportunities that I would otherwise grab if I at all had the necessary confidence in that area
- Death too can act as a tool for self-motivation, at least it does in my case where I tend to visualize myself on my death-bed and I am full of regrets about my unfulfilled dreams just because I was not motivated enough and always gave excuses. The moment I imagine this picture, within a few minutes I feel the rush of inner-motivation, the feel of which is strong enough for me to be at my peak performance.
- The last tool I would like to mention is something that I rarely use. It involves comparing yourself with someone else (especially someone who is of your age or younger and who started his/her life from a similar background as yours) This may not work positively all the time as there is a risk of a subtle feeling of jealousy dominating this entire process and making it counterproductive. But on the positive side, it can act as a strong source of inner-motivation as it will make you understand all those areas where you were weak and where this 'other' person was strong. The underlying thought that one should have is -"If they/he/she can do it so can I"
Thursday, 20 August 2015
5 tips to make Life more SIMPLE
This will help you get rid of many insignificant and time consuming chats that people engage in via Whatsapp or other messenger apps. I can say this from my personal experience as I am NO more active on Whatsapp since more than 3 weeks and getting back to simplicity i.e. Calls and Texts has made life productive as it gives me more time to do things that matter to me, thus cutting down completely on the time that I use to spend on aimless chats (which was almost 70% of the time). I am still in touch with my close buddies as well as distant friends via text messages and calls, in fact, we meet more often these days than before.
Getting up early (like 5:30 am) and sleeping before 12 at night.Since last more than 25 days I am getting up around 5:30 am and sleeping at around 11 pm or 12 midnight. How is think making my Life simple? Well, as my family gets up around 8 or at times 9 am I get a good deal of 3 to 4 hours of a complete 'ME' time. How does it affect the quality of my Life? I am a book lover and so the moment all my family members are up, the "necessary silence required to focus"and that "reader friendly" ambience gets thrown out of the window. Although, here I am talking about reading, but it is applicable on any activity that adds value to life and that demands you to be in an environment where no one will disturb you for a few hours daily.
The moment you find yourself in a group of people or an individual talking S*IT about things that 'matter to you' just walk away instead of trying to reform their/his/her thoughts:This might sound like avoiding a potential or perhaps a valid debate. But the simple truth is that you cannot change people's thinking. No matter how much you try. Many times it happens with me that I am at a party or in a meeting with office colleagues or at a cafe with my friends and not always but sometimes they end up talking about things that at best, irritate me or at worst, hurt me. It is better to quickly walk away or just pretend as if you have got a call on your cell phone (this can be done using a fake call app) or use any other similar strategy. When should this behavior be exhibited? Only in those situations where talking to them is like wasting time and energy. However, if you are in conversation with someone who is open-minded and wise enough to listen to you, then you can surely invest your time and energy in clearing any misunderstanding that he or she may be having about the subject being discussed. Why is this important? I have noticed that we tend to spend lots of time & effort in being defensive about our beliefs and actions especially when we notice that we are being ridiculed/criticised. Understanding that our values and life's choices are highly independent of what others think and that we alone will be living its consequences, will liberate us from wasting our time and energies in being defensive about them and rather preserving the same energy and time to be used creatively for higher purposes.
Being NON-JUDGEMENTAL:Being extra-judgemental is one of the most easiest ways of over-burdening your mind with lots of unnecessary baggage. Being too judgemental can result in "our body and mind bearing the brunt of that negativity" writes Dr. Cynthia Thaik in this article on Huffington Post
Use KaizenKaizen is a Japanese business philosophy that revolves around continuous improvement of working practices, personal efficiency etc. Our brain tends to consider 'BIG changes' as a threat and so it tries avoiding it by creating reasons and excuses, this habit of ours can be tricked when we break down that 'Change' into 'tiny changes' executed everyday consistently. I think that Kaizen is one of the best tools that adds simplicity to life by breaking down a BIG activity or BIG change into small bits and acting upon every 'bit' daily. Example - Reading 20 pages of a 400 pages book twice a day (Once after getting early in the morning as discussed earlier in this answer and once before going to bed) will allow me to complete that big fat book in 10 days.
Tuesday, 18 August 2015
How I took control of my emotional attachment?
After going through such experiences repeatedly and paying the price too, I decided to do a detailed self analysis on myself and realized a few things that can be summed up as follows -
- There was in me an intense need to be in a companionship especially with someone who can make me feel accepted and in whose company I can find happiness, this was so subtle that I too was not aware of its power to make me emotionally weak. This feeling was responsible for creating that urge to connect with like-minded individuals and specially women (because I think that the kind of love and support we receive from our best friends or special companions from the opposite gender is quite different than that we experience in the company of people of our own gender). When I think of why I had this strong feeling at the first place the only answer I find is in my upbringing where I was in an environment that made me an introvert for quite a long time in my life. Being lonely for most of the time was like a norm for me. Not interacting with people and being quite homely despite of being a boy which is quite a rare scenario, just complicated the whole problem even more.
- In a very weird way I use to feel that this person with whom I am attached may not be there with me tomorrow. This scary feeling just intensified my attachment
- The most simplest problem with me was that my mind went back and forth between two extremes: first one was where my emotions dominated my reason & the second was when my reason dominated my emotions, it is today I realize that the solution lies when reason and emotions are perfectly balanced
- The moment I meet someone and that person happens to be like the one who gives me the space that I longed for, I get attached with her quickly, this is mainly because I have a fear that once I lose this person I will never again get someone like this in the future. This is quite a deep thought, if you reflect on it.
Can you judge someone's personality on the way they TALK?
Monday, 17 August 2015
You make them feel good, but why do you feel low?
My experiences have made me realize a few things that one needs to know about empathy (these are from a standpoint of an empath) and I can sum it up in two points for you.
When you allow yourself to understand them and their issues and detect the emotional pain in them that needs healing through counselling (which is precisely what empaths do directly or indirectly), it ends up lowering your own battery of positive energy. Their situation may or may not improvise, but our heavy investment of wisdom, words and time costs us emotional weakness. Sometimes making us feel blue without even knowing why we are feeling that way.
They may end up becoming depended on you as they begin seeing in you a strong source of understanding and support (I think of these as the two really important pillars of empathy) they will start coming to you every time they feel low, thereby making them further weak because now they are slowly getting into the practice that will sooner or later make them incapable of healing their own selves. After all how long can they rely on you? Forever?
The key is to give them some space because that will allow them time to build their emotional and mental muscle. Once, the strength gets build up then you can play the role of a motivator who will simply connect them with their 'own stronger self within' whenever required.
He is busy working for you, while you are enjoying your day off.. WHO IS HE/SHE?
Why do I feel that way? Read on and allow this one to sink in...
It is a festive holiday and I am shopping in a Mall for a new cell phone and there is a salesperson on the other side of the counter helping me make an informed choice about the cell phone that I should buy. I end up window shopping and leave the kiosk without buying anything. He greets me with a smile as I leave his vicinity, his eyes looking at other people who are ready with their set of questions. The smile is still ON.
As I now drive back home, I am flooded with thoughts of gratitude that makes me thank God in all sincerity for His endless blessings, (believe me, enjoying my time on a festive holiday spending time doing a little window shopping is just one of them).
If you are reading this, I request you to make it a point of greeting them and speaking three simple words 'How are you?' with a smile, whether you are in front of a salesperson in that store or talking to a call centre agent on the phone, doing this will not cost you a buck but it makes them feel valued and that is an incredible feeling for most of them if not all.
Trust me, I have been a call centre agent for more than 2 years and I know exactly how it feels like.
Saturday, 15 August 2015
What do you do when your Emotions & Logic battle each other
Emotions flow effortlessly towards what we value. Emotions are strong and subtle signals that spring forth from an inner mechanism that we as human beings have within ourselves. This mechanism allows us to sense how we "feel" about something. Logic is when we use the information and data that we have gathered in our life so far and translate that knowledge into a set of principles to judge and decide what is right and what is not. For example, feeling sad while witnessing the plight of hard working labourers in a steel factory or loving that girl/guy with all your heart and soul despite of the fact she/he is not at all interested in you. These are examples of your behavioural responses being guided solely by emotions.
However, to understand logic let us consider this example, let's say a mediocre salaried salesperson gets a job opportunity from a company based in abroad with a far better salary and higher position, but the challenge is that he will have to migrate alone to that place and there will be no leaves for the first two years of employment, this would mean that he cannot come down to meet his old parents or his wife and children for a span of two years. Bang on starts a fight between emotions (that advocate staying near his family with the same job but with peace of mind of being with the family) and logic (that advocates taking that opportunity and working hard for a few years to improve his own career and raise the family's standard of living).
In conclusion, I have personally observed that emotions dominate over logic. But the only exception is when values come into picture. If career development is my priority and if I am emotionally strong enough to stay away from my family for 2 years, then I would definitely grab that opportunity without wasting any time.
My experiences have always been of emotions getting a strong dominion over logic. But in those scenarios where logic was more in alignment to my values I chose to scrap my emotions away. To quickly share my experience in this regard is when I was getting attached romantically with a woman who had different priorities. Later after looking at her from a non-emotional point of view I realized that I was traveling on the road towards a destination that wasn't meant for me. I then chose to free myself from those emotions.
So the one line answer is - Emotions rule logic. With exceptions being those situations where your emotions conflict with your values.
Is your social life increasing or limiting your Intelligence?
Using Death as a powerful tool to challenge all your Fears
Being aware of your mortality and understanding that every day is numbered and that your life has a bigger purpose that only you can fulfil, is the key to fearlessness.
Death creates urgency. When you realize that not defeating your fear can result in you growing old with a life unlived and die with regrets, you will summon up the mental & emotional energy required to conquer your fears and let go of them.
Freedom from fear only comes from inner-willingness to do so.
Friday, 14 August 2015
A quick hack for boosting your Productivity
During three sessions in the same room, the researchers asked 12 participants to complete a test requiring sustained attention. Each session featured a different soundscape in the background: office sounds muffled by white noise, office sounds masked with the sound of "flowing water in a mountain stream," and office sounds with no masking noise.
What did they find? When listening to the natural sounds, the workers not only performed better on the task, but also reported feeling more positive about their environment than they did in the other sessions.
Monday, 10 August 2015
Do you know a lot but apply a little?
Here's what he said -
What is knowledge? It is to know something. But is knowing enough? No, in fact it is a waste of time and energy to learn something that you are not going to act upon. Let's say there is a person who knows very little, let's say that on the scale of 1 to 100 he only knows 1% and he successfully applies that 1% of knowledge in 100% of his actions and then there is another individual who has gained around 99% knowledge on that scale, but has applied only 1% in practicality.
Who do you think is better?
Of course the former fellow, because his action was 100% in alignment with his knowledge. Even if one is to argue that he knew little as compared to the one who has 99% of knowledge.
But then the question is - What good is knowledge if it is not acted upon? In fact to act upon what one knows leads develops one's understanding, which can be taken to the level of Mastery which is done by being consistent in practices.
The Joy of Reading - A poem by Me
What happens when you get off from Whatsapp for 30 days
Being a 'passionate' Whatsapper since 2012 It was not less than a challenge for me to even think of getting off this messaging app that has today become like a parallel world we socialize and connect in. A world that allows you to message, talk and share your life's funny or not-so-funny moments with those who really matter to you and at the same time it also pushes you to entertain and reply just for the sake of replying, to those who matter the least and who just want to engage in a random purposeless chat. The 'blue tick' update made matters even more difficult, by empowering the sender to know whether his messages were being read or ignored. It made things much more interesting, because if you are online for quite some time and no blue ticks are seen, it clearly means that you are way too busy to check his messages. If on the other side the 'blue ticks' are seen and you still haven't received your much awaited reply then it is perceived that the 'iron hearted' recipient is not interested in chatting with you or that he may have many things on his to-do-list that seek immediate attention.It was back then in August last year that I decided to deactivate my Whatsapp account for 30 days just for the sake of satisfying my curiosity about what changes will it bring to my life if any.
- Those who really want to keep in touch with you on a regular basis will still message you those "How are you" and "Wazzup buddy" lines through SMS. This confirmed that I had a few friends among many for whom those regular conversations were more important than my 'online' presence on some messaging app.
- Then there are those who keep on sending quotes and hilarious videos and they suddenly got disappeared from my life and remained invisible till l was back on Whatsapp.
- I felt like I was getting more time for doing productive things and for some reason my productivity improved
- I become more actively engaged in living my social life like the good old days where I use to directly call up my friends and tell them to meet me in that Cafe down tge road within 10 minutes.
- Yes, I ended up paying slightly higher bills due to an increase in Calls and Text messages. But when you compare time with money, it will get clear to you that money makes a comeback but time melts away forever
- As a not-so-pleasant surprise I realized that many of my friends existed just because I was active on Whatsapp (I no longer consider that as friendship anyway)
- Finally It got clear to me as to how many people are worthy of my time, because not everyone is interested in knowing how you are once you are away from the platform that gives them the convenience of reaching you with least efforts, if you know what I mean
Friday, 7 August 2015
Do you share a good news about yourself with someone who is depressed ?
Although, I had the choice that day of casually talking to him about my new position at work, but then, what would that do to him? Would it make him really feel good or would that make him feel even worse than before?
If communication is a skill then, knowing when to talk about and when not to talk is wisdom.
Thursday, 6 August 2015
Never outshine your Boss
Author Robert Greene explains this in the very first chapter (title being 'Never outshine your Master) of his book 48 Laws of Power.
To know more about 48 Laws of Power click here.









