How to sharpen your People skills with some really simple steps?

People show you that side of their which they really want you to see while making sure that their true self remains hidden from you. As humans we all have an inbuilt need to be accepted and to feel like we are being valued within a group of people (whether it is the society, workplace or a relationship). May be not always but most of the time we meet people for whom we develop an instant liking and we become comfortable with the idea of befriending them and later due to the unfolding of certain events we see their true colours and we immediately realize how incorrect we were in knowing them or how quickly we formed a positive opinion about them. Once we learn our lessons, we think that we are now better prepared to judge the next person more accurately but surprisingly we end up repeating the same mistake again and fall prey to our misjudgements all over again. This happens because humans are complicated beings, we think differently and we act differently, we have an inner ability to either present one attitude of ours to everyone or different shades of our character to different people. Some people allow behaviour to be governed by logic and brutal practicality and some people give emotions an upper hand over their actions and reactions to people and events in their surroundings. The more we explore human psychology the more we feel like we know nothing or may be quite little about human behaviour.

Here are three keys that will sharpen your people skills:

1. Interact with a variety of people, like introverts as well as extroverts, party animals as well as book lovers and the interaction should be more like a learning for you where you get to witness their thought processes and get to see how they make decisions or what drives them 
2. Never be too judgemental, in fact one should get rid of the habit of forming negative opinions about someone in just a few meetings. Why? Well, once you make up your mind about “How they are?” and “Why are they like this?”, one’s mind gets closed off to the learning process that I’ve earlier talked about
3. Finally, you need to be like a mirror to them and be the most trustworthy guy around them so that they too will be comfortable in lowering their defences and will allow you to witness their individualism. The more closer you get, the more you learn about them and the more you learn the more you sharpen your people skill

Are there any innovative ways to control Anger?

Anger is the most unwise emotion to have and here are the reasons why:

1. Anger makes you go out of control and the actions that spring forth from anger are actions that you are most likely to regret later
2. Anger in you leads to the creation of anger in someone else (if not sooner then surely later, until that person is on the verge of becoming enlightened on top of the Himalayas) but if he is like an ordinary chap like you and me then being too angry on him will lead to an equal reaction from him that can in turn make the situation chaotic
3. On a neurological level, anger makes your amygdala (the fight or flight response system of your brain) dominate your cortex (the reasoning and logical part of your brain) this complete shuts down the scope of thinking and acting out of wisdom, which could have created an alternative outcome, perhaps a favourable one
4. If you are getting angry on people who matter to you, then anger becomes a silent killer of relationships and trust and sometimes this can become irreversible leading to an end of that relationship forever

What can one do to get anger under control?

1. Practicing the art of “quickly listing down alternatives”. Before acting out of the impulse to go nasty and regret later. Just ask yourself once if there is an alternate method to deal with this situation. The more you practice this the more better you will get at it.
2. Breathing. The next time you get angry, try to breathe calmly and slowly. Science proves that breathing is directly related to anger. If you breathe faster, your blood pressure increases which results in anger. On the other hand, if you breathe slowly and calmly, the body temperature becomes neutral and you are able to control yourself in that situation.
3. Getting away from that place for some time. Yogic sciences and many other philosophies around the world talk about the energy exchange that is constantly happening at all times with all of us. The more you hang out with positive people the better will be your mood throughout the day and vice-versa. One of the best things to get rid of anger attack, is to leave the room for some time so that you can break away from the negative energy that is being hurled at you. Once you feel neutral you can jump in the scene again (if necessary)
4. Lying down for a few minutes. According to an article published in Telegraph in the year 2009, when you are lying down (on your back as if you are about to doze off) your ability to calm down anger increases
5. Let the law take its own course. If you are in a situation where you are dealing with a troublesome jerk and have made it a point to teach him a lesson, instead of getting angry just use the law against him. In an office environment this can mean, creating a buzz and informing the HR as well as your immediate Manager about the culprit. Outside the office, we have the judiciary system with its various penal codes

What did I learn about managing Human Emotions by working in a call centre?

If I was to point out at the most enjoyable as well as the most important period of my life so far from the point of view of learning life skills, it would without a doubt be the time between 2011 and 2014, the time I worked in a call centre. At that time and even today, I meet people who criticize the job profile of a call centre agent. But have we ever wondered the challenges faced by an employee pressurized by targets and minimal support, who is constantly on calls for about 8 to 9 hours a day. Sometimes, he or she needs to wait to even use the washroom as the breaks are scheduled so as to take care of the call flow (so that no calls are missed). Facing customer rants and abuses is one part of it but the real challenge is when in back to back calls you force yourself to smile and greet the customers even if the earlier caller hurled abuses on you for some insignificant reason which wasn’t your fault at all.

Challenges are many but today when I think of the top 3 things I learnt while working in a call centre the list goes something like this:

1. Ability to NOT take customer rants too personally. Initially it was challenge for me to deal with customer abuses and complaints, it did affect me on a very personal level, when my Quality trainer met me and noticed what I am going through, she put across to me a chunk of wisdom that was not just applicable in the call centre but on almost every aspect of life When someone is hurling abuses at you or complaints endlessly, understand that his anger is for the company or product or service and not on you personally. If this thought sinks in your subconscious, you will never ever feel sad even for the slightest bit ever again. Isn’t this applicable on life too? 
2. Stronger emotional control that allows you to smile and greet the next customer even if you were abused by the earlier customer. The more you face brutal customers, who sound like demons sent from hell, the more emotionally immune you become of getting offended. To top it up, you are supposed to greet every customer with a smile. Although, they don’t see you but a smile on the face does makes the customer feel that he/she is talking to a human and not a robot. Imagine how incredible life will become when you do not allow people to affect your inner calm 
3. You learn that the “World is not a very bad place after all”. Not all customers are irritated with you. Some of them are quick to appreciate and even write an appreciation email to the customer relations department with your name so as to help you get some brownie points in the eyes of the senior management. I have myself got many of these brownie points but they do not feel as special as the spoken words that we receive over the phone. Being too quick to adopt a notion that all customers are the same, is definitely the most unwise thing to do!! 

Why does Desire bring Suffering? Explained in the form of a Flow Chart

A couple of years ago I read the story of a young prince Siddhartha who evolved into an awakened one or the Buddha. The story of Buddha is one where one can find inspiration and hope to find the answers of most questions that people struggle with. One of them is about the nature of suffering. What is suffering? How can one free himself from suffering? These are questions of prime importance as the answers they point at, can provide us the solution to almost every problem that we go through in our everyday lives.

One of Buddha’s most popular teaching comes in the form of a discovery, revealing us the nature of desire. Buddha taught that the root cause of suffering is desire.

I once had problem in understanding this. After all, nurturing desires is a part of our human nature. How can one go against his own nature? Is it even possible?

I am not sure how to do it, but last night I scribbled something on my notepad.

It all starts with desire which if fulfilled, leads to happiness but it is short lived and so in order to sustain that happiness more desires are supposed to be born, which completes the circle. However, if the desire if unfulfilled the whole equation takes a different turn, it leads to an undesirable state called suffering, exactly how the Buddha professed.

How can one use mindfulness to enhance the quality of your everyday life?

When your mind is at peace with the activity that you are doing in the present moment, the quality of that experience gets a booster dose. This is because, your mind focuses completely in the NOW moment and you feel at ease with the subject you are learning. I understood this concept when I compared the mind with a smartphone. The more apps you run the more it will be slow and laggy, leading to a frustrating user experience. However, when you use only one app at a time, you will see the mobile working on its top speed. It won't heat up. The battery will not drain fast. The RAM will be at its optimum and most importantly you will enjoy your experience of using that app, no matter how complicated the operation of that app may be.

A few tips that may help you:

1. Sit with your spine erect, according to Yogic science this helps in calming your mind down from the chaotic traffic of thoughts
2. Focus on your breathing whenever you feel like you are being lost in past or future, let your breathing be your anchor to mindfulness
3. Stop whatever it is that you are doing and just make an effort of listening to the sounds in your environment, like the sound of light traffic outside, people walking, air conditioner or even the tick tock of the analog wall clock in the room
4. If the whole thing is getting too complicated and your thoughts seem to be on an endless trail. Just plug in headphones and play nature sounds and close your eyes for not more than 60 seconds. I call it the one minute meditation. It does work if you allow your mind to calm down for just 60 seconds (even if you can manage making your mind cease the traffic of thoughts for 10 seconds, it is more than enough)

Should you give up your self respect to save your love and relationship?

If the relationship demands that you give up on your self-respect indicates that it based on the foundation of fear and lack and not love and abundance.

Love is a source of strength, not weakness. Your self-respect is the most important aspect of your life, it is like a human currency fetching real wealth that manifests as confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honour and dignity.

True love or relationship will never put you in a condition where your partner demands you to compromise on your self-respect. Know that it is your self-respect that really makes you a human. With no self-respect there wouldn't really be much difference between you and an inanimate object (apart from the fact that you can talk and move on your own).

Love strengthens and inspires you to be better and to live life with cheer of heart and peace of mind.