What are the secrets of being likable?

The following comes to my mind when I think of developing Likability:

1. Being a good listener
2. Asking questions to show your interest about the matter they are sharing with you
3. Smiling 
4. Being helpful (to the best of your ability but without sacrificing your own progress) whenever you can 
5. Allowing them the space to be comfortable in your presence, this can be done when you do not get too judgemental about them 
6. Sense of humor
7. Being actively available on the mobile phone and if you miss their call (due to an important task at hand) make sure to at least message them and inform them that you will get back shortly
8. Be away from narcissistic characteristics
9. Do not indulge in talking about your own troubles for the majority of the time, maintain the balance by listening to their issues and share your problems that you feel like sharing only once they are done listing their grievances of life
10. Look decent, smell good and maintain your hygiene

How can we define a Happy Person?

There are people who despite of having the best resources at their easy disposal, live with mental and emotional emptiness. Frustrated with life and people around them, they long for peace of mind and cheer of heart and then there are the others. These are people, who have gone through the most difficult situations that we can imagine but surprisingly you will find them at peace with themselves and their lives. They will have a smile on their faces for most of the time. They rarely get upset about things that do not work.

I have noticed that happy people have an attitude towards life that is happiness oriented, while others are more vulnerable of becoming victims of hurtful events & people around them.

Here is what the happiness-oriented attitude appears to me:

1. They know themselves pretty well. They are well aware of what makes them happy and what makes them not-so-happy. They do not hang out with people who suck the positive energy out of them. They do not use products or services that do not add any value to their lives. They do not take decisions and get involved into something that will make them feel dissatisfied
2. They are concerned only about the things that they can change and for all other global circumstances that they cannot change, they do not think about them (at least not obsessively). Eg - I know people who are concerned about the unfair treatment their team members receive and they make it a point to raise the issue with the higher management but then there are many people who are obsessively concerned about the corrupt politicians running their country and they keep on contemplating and discussing about it, but if you look closely you will find that realistically no change in the Government will take place by their obsessive thoughts about the political system, however, it will undoubtedly lower their energy
3. They do not take things too personally. Even if someone misbehaves with them, they will either forgive them quickly or give them a subtle sign showing their disgust about their behavior. But never do they allow the offenders the privilege to hurt them. This is because they are free from the need of relying on people to validate their self-worth
4. They spend their time in doing things that they love to do. They take decisions keeping in mind their personal preferences in terms of emotional satisfaction along with economic progress
5. They are very particular about the kind of people they spend their time with, as depressing people or people who are constantly complaining, because there is a constant energy exchange that goes on between you and the people around you

Suicide or Lack of Motivation?

According to a report released by Associated Press in 2012, suicide rates in India are highest in the age group of 15-29 that too in well developed regions that have better quality education, social welfare and health care. The study confirms suicide as the second most leading cause of death for young Indians. Surprisingly most of these youngsters who committed suicide were well educated.

After reading the findings of the National Crime Records Bureau and going through the long list of causes for suicidal deaths. I was able to see a common thread that linked all these causes together, thereby creating a single major cause which can simply be understood as the ''lack of motivation''.

It is seen that most of these educated young people end their lives because they are either going through a list of family problems (which accounts for almost 25.6% of suicides) or they are fed up from some Illness (21.1%), or they are the victim of issues like poverty, failure in examination, fall in social reputation, unemployment, physical abuse, impotency, marriage failure, loss of a loved one, career problems, betrayal in a romantic relationship, drug abuse and so on.

Psychological experiments over many years have proved that we are not driven by reason as much as by emotion. Emotion drives our thoughts and influences the way we live and so any emotional setback tends to take a deadly toll on our entire well being. According to a renowned psychiatrist Dr Abhay Gajbhiye,''Those who observe such people must encourage them to talk about their problems, they can try to show the person the larger picture and the insignificance of the problem''.

The reason why most people keep suppressing their deepest hurtful feelings within themselves is that they are aware of the fact that there is hardly anyone out there who is willing to listen to them without interrupting or being judgmental. Even if they listen for the sake of listening, the lack of interest and the fake concern can be clearly seen and so at times it appears best to suppress the emotions and thoughts within oneself until one feels mentally and emotionally suffocated.

It is odd that we desire engaging in social work (mostly reserved as a post retirement task) to contribute in making the society a better place, but miss out on something as basic and as simple as giving such people some space and time, where they can feel at ease, where they can release their distress and pain.

Thought to ponder: Even if you win the rat race you will still end up being a rat and so what really matters is how many lives you touch and the difference that you make to each one of them. You may never know that your next interaction with someone may just bring back to them the spark of hope and the enthusiasm for Life which they were so desperately waiting for.

How can I stop myself from thinking too much?

One of the best books I've read on this topic 'The power of NOW by Eckhart Tolle' in which he has shared one of his life changing experience where out of frustration he told himself, "I had it enough, I just cannot stay with myself any longer". 

This made him realize that there are two 'Eckharts' in him. One is the 'I' and the other is the 'Self' that the former cannot stay with & is highly fed up too.

He thought that perhaps only one of them is real and other is fake.

I learned a lot from this. Firstly, we have two minds in us. Subconscious mind that does all the monkey like chattering of thoughts in the background and the conscious mind that is used in real time for the purpose of doing the tasks at hand.

Here are a few things you can do in order to calm the mental chatter down: 

1. Focus on your Breathing whenever you feel lost in thoughts, breathing instantly connects you to the present moment
2. Just grab your cell phone and put a time of 30 seconds. Just focus on the black color that you see when you close your eyes for these 30 seconds. Do this a few times in a day and you will have a better control of your thought flow
3. Be careful of all those moments when you are complaining, it carries an unconscious negative charge, so make sure you complaint less 
4. Do not dwell on the grievance too much, either change it, seek help to change it, if nothing works out then simply accept it, BUT do not dwell on it unnecessarily, there is absolutely nothing that you will gain out of it
5. Listening to the sounds of the environment around you for not more than a minute will snap you back to the present moment and that will in turn drastically reduce the mental chatter 
6. Listening to Nature Sounds while working helps tremendously. Some studies suggest that nature sounds boost productivity too
7. Finally a little philosophy to end with, the key to reduce or stop the chattering of unnecessary thoughts is to enjoy what you do and do what you enjoy, when your mind is at peace with the activity that you are doing, it will enjoy the present moment and will seldom think of the past or future. But when you force yourself to do things, boring enough to put you to sleep, then your mind will begin to visit the past and create fantasy based future to generate some interest

How to spot an energy sucker?

James Redfield, the author of the bestselling, 'The Celestine Prophecy', explains that when love first happens, the individuals are giving each other energy unconsciously and both people feel buoyant and elated. That's the incredible high we call being ‘in love.’ Unfortunately, once they expect this feeling to come from another person, they cut themselves off from the energy in the universe and begin to rely even more on the energy from each other--only now there doesn’t seem to be enough and so they stop giving each other energy and fall back into their dramas in an attempt to control each other and force the other’s energy their way. We humans have always sought to increase our personal energy in the only manner we have known, by seeking to psychologically steal it from the others--an unconscious competition that underlies all human conflict in the world.

Here is how you can spot a energy sucker:

1. They always complaint. They have a habit of cribbing and may even go up to the extent of being abusive while expressing their grievances, the majority of them are insignificant 
2. Sees no hope anywhere instead focuses on the darkness of the cloud and not the silver lining. Even if they were to receive the best of everything, they do feel blessed but only for a brief period of time. 
3. They do love you but if you share your future plans with them they will instill fear in you by talking things that are likely to make you feel that you are destined for some shit experiences ahead. Just to clarify, this is not their mistake but their thought process itself is programmed make them look at everything through pessimistic lenses
4. They ask questions that have no relevance at all, be careful not to answer all of them, as you will only lose your vital life energy in that process. Remember, the questions you will answer today, are going to return in a few weeks perhaps with new words but the same meaning
5. They will pass judgement on almost everything and anything that you do, most of these judgements will sound hurtful and be careful around such type as hearing them over and over again may even lead you to doubt yourself and your decisions

How can I feel happy even if there is no any reason of happiness in life?

One of the best ways to generate happiness with no significant reason is simply by becoming aware of:

1. All the wonderful blessings you are enriched with, which includes your eyes that enable you to read this apart from many other parts of your body that allow you to lead a normal life. This TED talk will make more sense to what I am trying to say. 
2. All the resources that you have an easy access to. The very thought that roughly 3.1 million children die each year due to malnutrition (which makes up approximately 8494 children everyday according to the data given by WFP), it will be difficult for you to not appreciate the most simplest of resources that you have an easy access to by which I mean "food" 
3. All the lovely people (even if they be one or two). A study describes a condition called as Emotional Deprivation Disorder, a syndrome which results from a lack of authentic affirmation and emotional strengthening in one's life. A person may have been criticized, ignored, neglected, abused, or emotionally rejected by primary caregivers early in life, resulting in that individual’s stunted emotional growth. If you have even a few people in your life with whom you can open up and share whatever it is that you wish to, then you indeed have a good reason to celebrate life without the need to have any significant event like becoming the CEO of the company you work for

Why self limiting thoughts are dangerous?

No matter how much we curse them but at the end of all games it becomes evident that without pain and hard times, strength is seldom achieved and with no strength of soul one will never be able to live life to its fullest.

The difference between those who go through toughest times while being abused emotionally and mentally with no support or help to depend on and those who despite of having a comfortable access to all resources is simply the ability to recognize a hero within one self, to picture one’s future as a leader or a difference maker, someone who is meant for larger than life achievements, someone who is going to bring about incredible changes to the lives of many people, and finally, someone who will leave a grand legacy behind. 

The root of all our suffering is that we have been conditioned to restrict ourselves in terms of our thoughts and actions, we are told to fight for survival and we are told that the world we live in is a brutally dangerous place where we are supposed to compete or die. We repeatedly hear words that push us to become highly conservative in our approach to everything and anything. We start believing that the more we save today the more safe we will be tomorrow. We are told to take safer decisions so that we will be assured of a better life. 

We are all plagued with thoughts that revolve around safety and security, we think before we spend; we work endlessly sacrificing our own dreams so that we can put all our efforts working for the giant corporations. In the end of this journey when we reach our deathbeds staring at the ceiling and listing down our regrets one by one.

How to sharpen your People skills with some really simple steps?

People show you that side of their which they really want you to see while making sure that their true self remains hidden from you. As humans we all have an inbuilt need to be accepted and to feel like we are being valued within a group of people (whether it is the society, workplace or a relationship). May be not always but most of the time we meet people for whom we develop an instant liking and we become comfortable with the idea of befriending them and later due to the unfolding of certain events we see their true colours and we immediately realize how incorrect we were in knowing them or how quickly we formed a positive opinion about them. Once we learn our lessons, we think that we are now better prepared to judge the next person more accurately but surprisingly we end up repeating the same mistake again and fall prey to our misjudgements all over again. This happens because humans are complicated beings, we think differently and we act differently, we have an inner ability to either present one attitude of ours to everyone or different shades of our character to different people. Some people allow behaviour to be governed by logic and brutal practicality and some people give emotions an upper hand over their actions and reactions to people and events in their surroundings. The more we explore human psychology the more we feel like we know nothing or may be quite little about human behaviour.

Here are three keys that will sharpen your people skills:

1. Interact with a variety of people, like introverts as well as extroverts, party animals as well as book lovers and the interaction should be more like a learning for you where you get to witness their thought processes and get to see how they make decisions or what drives them 
2. Never be too judgemental, in fact one should get rid of the habit of forming negative opinions about someone in just a few meetings. Why? Well, once you make up your mind about “How they are?” and “Why are they like this?”, one’s mind gets closed off to the learning process that I’ve earlier talked about
3. Finally, you need to be like a mirror to them and be the most trustworthy guy around them so that they too will be comfortable in lowering their defences and will allow you to witness their individualism. The more closer you get, the more you learn about them and the more you learn the more you sharpen your people skill

Are there any innovative ways to control Anger?

Anger is the most unwise emotion to have and here are the reasons why:

1. Anger makes you go out of control and the actions that spring forth from anger are actions that you are most likely to regret later
2. Anger in you leads to the creation of anger in someone else (if not sooner then surely later, until that person is on the verge of becoming enlightened on top of the Himalayas) but if he is like an ordinary chap like you and me then being too angry on him will lead to an equal reaction from him that can in turn make the situation chaotic
3. On a neurological level, anger makes your amygdala (the fight or flight response system of your brain) dominate your cortex (the reasoning and logical part of your brain) this complete shuts down the scope of thinking and acting out of wisdom, which could have created an alternative outcome, perhaps a favourable one
4. If you are getting angry on people who matter to you, then anger becomes a silent killer of relationships and trust and sometimes this can become irreversible leading to an end of that relationship forever

What can one do to get anger under control?

1. Practicing the art of “quickly listing down alternatives”. Before acting out of the impulse to go nasty and regret later. Just ask yourself once if there is an alternate method to deal with this situation. The more you practice this the more better you will get at it.
2. Breathing. The next time you get angry, try to breathe calmly and slowly. Science proves that breathing is directly related to anger. If you breathe faster, your blood pressure increases which results in anger. On the other hand, if you breathe slowly and calmly, the body temperature becomes neutral and you are able to control yourself in that situation.
3. Getting away from that place for some time. Yogic sciences and many other philosophies around the world talk about the energy exchange that is constantly happening at all times with all of us. The more you hang out with positive people the better will be your mood throughout the day and vice-versa. One of the best things to get rid of anger attack, is to leave the room for some time so that you can break away from the negative energy that is being hurled at you. Once you feel neutral you can jump in the scene again (if necessary)
4. Lying down for a few minutes. According to an article published in Telegraph in the year 2009, when you are lying down (on your back as if you are about to doze off) your ability to calm down anger increases
5. Let the law take its own course. If you are in a situation where you are dealing with a troublesome jerk and have made it a point to teach him a lesson, instead of getting angry just use the law against him. In an office environment this can mean, creating a buzz and informing the HR as well as your immediate Manager about the culprit. Outside the office, we have the judiciary system with its various penal codes

What did I learn about managing Human Emotions by working in a call centre?

If I was to point out at the most enjoyable as well as the most important period of my life so far from the point of view of learning life skills, it would without a doubt be the time between 2011 and 2014, the time I worked in a call centre. At that time and even today, I meet people who criticize the job profile of a call centre agent. But have we ever wondered the challenges faced by an employee pressurized by targets and minimal support, who is constantly on calls for about 8 to 9 hours a day. Sometimes, he or she needs to wait to even use the washroom as the breaks are scheduled so as to take care of the call flow (so that no calls are missed). Facing customer rants and abuses is one part of it but the real challenge is when in back to back calls you force yourself to smile and greet the customers even if the earlier caller hurled abuses on you for some insignificant reason which wasn’t your fault at all.

Challenges are many but today when I think of the top 3 things I learnt while working in a call centre the list goes something like this:

1. Ability to NOT take customer rants too personally. Initially it was challenge for me to deal with customer abuses and complaints, it did affect me on a very personal level, when my Quality trainer met me and noticed what I am going through, she put across to me a chunk of wisdom that was not just applicable in the call centre but on almost every aspect of life When someone is hurling abuses at you or complaints endlessly, understand that his anger is for the company or product or service and not on you personally. If this thought sinks in your subconscious, you will never ever feel sad even for the slightest bit ever again. Isn’t this applicable on life too? 
2. Stronger emotional control that allows you to smile and greet the next customer even if you were abused by the earlier customer. The more you face brutal customers, who sound like demons sent from hell, the more emotionally immune you become of getting offended. To top it up, you are supposed to greet every customer with a smile. Although, they don’t see you but a smile on the face does makes the customer feel that he/she is talking to a human and not a robot. Imagine how incredible life will become when you do not allow people to affect your inner calm 
3. You learn that the “World is not a very bad place after all”. Not all customers are irritated with you. Some of them are quick to appreciate and even write an appreciation email to the customer relations department with your name so as to help you get some brownie points in the eyes of the senior management. I have myself got many of these brownie points but they do not feel as special as the spoken words that we receive over the phone. Being too quick to adopt a notion that all customers are the same, is definitely the most unwise thing to do!! 

Why does Desire bring Suffering? Explained in the form of a Flow Chart

A couple of years ago I read the story of a young prince Siddhartha who evolved into an awakened one or the Buddha. The story of Buddha is one where one can find inspiration and hope to find the answers of most questions that people struggle with. One of them is about the nature of suffering. What is suffering? How can one free himself from suffering? These are questions of prime importance as the answers they point at, can provide us the solution to almost every problem that we go through in our everyday lives.

One of Buddha’s most popular teaching comes in the form of a discovery, revealing us the nature of desire. Buddha taught that the root cause of suffering is desire.

I once had problem in understanding this. After all, nurturing desires is a part of our human nature. How can one go against his own nature? Is it even possible?

I am not sure how to do it, but last night I scribbled something on my notepad.

It all starts with desire which if fulfilled, leads to happiness but it is short lived and so in order to sustain that happiness more desires are supposed to be born, which completes the circle. However, if the desire if unfulfilled the whole equation takes a different turn, it leads to an undesirable state called suffering, exactly how the Buddha professed.

How can one use mindfulness to enhance the quality of your everyday life?

When your mind is at peace with the activity that you are doing in the present moment, the quality of that experience gets a booster dose. This is because, your mind focuses completely in the NOW moment and you feel at ease with the subject you are learning. I understood this concept when I compared the mind with a smartphone. The more apps you run the more it will be slow and laggy, leading to a frustrating user experience. However, when you use only one app at a time, you will see the mobile working on its top speed. It won't heat up. The battery will not drain fast. The RAM will be at its optimum and most importantly you will enjoy your experience of using that app, no matter how complicated the operation of that app may be.

A few tips that may help you:

1. Sit with your spine erect, according to Yogic science this helps in calming your mind down from the chaotic traffic of thoughts
2. Focus on your breathing whenever you feel like you are being lost in past or future, let your breathing be your anchor to mindfulness
3. Stop whatever it is that you are doing and just make an effort of listening to the sounds in your environment, like the sound of light traffic outside, people walking, air conditioner or even the tick tock of the analog wall clock in the room
4. If the whole thing is getting too complicated and your thoughts seem to be on an endless trail. Just plug in headphones and play nature sounds and close your eyes for not more than 60 seconds. I call it the one minute meditation. It does work if you allow your mind to calm down for just 60 seconds (even if you can manage making your mind cease the traffic of thoughts for 10 seconds, it is more than enough)

Should you give up your self respect to save your love and relationship?

If the relationship demands that you give up on your self-respect indicates that it based on the foundation of fear and lack and not love and abundance.

Love is a source of strength, not weakness. Your self-respect is the most important aspect of your life, it is like a human currency fetching real wealth that manifests as confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honour and dignity.

True love or relationship will never put you in a condition where your partner demands you to compromise on your self-respect. Know that it is your self-respect that really makes you a human. With no self-respect there wouldn't really be much difference between you and an inanimate object (apart from the fact that you can talk and move on your own).

Love strengthens and inspires you to be better and to live life with cheer of heart and peace of mind.

What are the things that heartbreak has taught you?

Although, heartbreaks are undesirable but like failures they too are equally important for they make you stronger and wiser.

1. It is important to make yourself a 'top priority' 
2. Being emotionally attached with someone is not a mistake but allowing your emotions to flow freely without balancing them with rationality should be avoided 
3. Whenever people meet you they always show you the side that they want you to see. We all have our natural defenses always in place and we use them to safeguard our true self within that we perhaps do not wish others to know about. This is the reason why it becomes a challenge to know someone inside out. However, if you can make someone feel super comfortable and pay attention to their gestures and subtle body language signals and make them feel at ease, then they may lower their defenses and allow you to take a glimpse of their true inner nature 
4. Never choose someone just because you feel happy in his/her presence but rather choose them because the values you believe in, blend peacefully with the values they believe in. If I believe in modernity and my partner believes in orthodoxy, no matter how much we try and understand each other, there will always be a large gap between both of us on an intellectual level and later this will lead to an emotional distancing too

The Search

I searched for Guidance,

I searched for Knowledge,

I searched for Happiness,

And I searched for Peace,

I searched for it in the place I stay,

I searched for It, Night and Day,

I searched for it almost everywhere ,

But to all my lot came an everlasting despair,

I searched for the Divine Master,

I searched for his blessings and Mercy,

I searched for the truth that will liberate me,

From the prison that was a creation of none but me.

The days slipped into months and months into years,

But neither did I find answers but,

Raised were my questions,

After a journey,

That was Left fruit-less.

And when my cries saw no limits,

And when my tears lost themselves in the color of blood,

In the deepest of Silence,

I heard a voice,

Saying to me,

Blessed am I in abundance from thee,

My search ends here it said,

As you have come face to face with truth,

What you were seeking outside, O saddened Seeker,

Is present nowhere but within you.

God resides in You

Knowledge and guidance lies deep Inside you,

Peace and happiness surrounds you,

But you know not.

Gods Blessings and Mercy,

Is the very light of your soul?

And you are the manifestation of Freedom and Liberty,

Strangely, Asking for Liberation.

But Alas, O Seeker, you know not.

You Call upon me thinking you are bereft from

All the good that exists,

But how insane you are that,

You know not anything about your own true self.

Your Search ends here,

As you are the seeker So True

Look within yourself with Faith

And you will see me in You.

Letting Go made easy!!!

Just follow the following steps (do this when your mood is positive or at the least neutral ) : -

1. Close your eyes 
2. Welcome your uncomfortable feelings 
3. Feel them completely without any resistance 
4. Know that these feelings are not a part of you and hence you have the option of freeing yourself from them as they are not YOU 
5. NOW say to yourself "I welcome these feelings" 
6. Wait for a few seconds and then say "I know that these feelings are not me" 
7. Now say "I accept that its time to let go of them" 
8. Now finally say "I release and free myself from this burden here and NOW" 

Once you have finished doing step 8 you can slowly open your eyes and take a deep breath and smile.

P.S. After watching The Sedona Method Movie by Hale Dwoskin I applied a few of his techniques and came up with the above "8 Step Process" that if practiced regularly can FREE you from the past burden that you are living with.

How do you differentiate between 'true compliment' and 'flattery'?

There is no doubt that we live in times where strategies of war are being used not only in big corporations but also in personal and social lives and so 'The art of passing false compliment for serving one's self-interest' or flattery has evolved into a tool that people deliberately use for getting what they want.
These are a few signals that can help you differentiate flattery from genuine compliment.

1. Pay attention to their style of talking. Whenever someone is using flattery with a certain degree of subtlety, he/she is likely to appear and sound artificial. Although detecting if someone is lying or is telling the truth is not a easy business, however, if you have done a good deal of interaction with them then you can easily make notice in their facial expression and voice tonality when they speak the truth vs when they indulge in talking things that are completely or partially false
2. Although in the initial stages it becomes slightly difficult to detect if someone is using flattery as a means to get his/her job done through you, however, if you know this person for quite some time then you can carefully observe and notice if in the past they used the same strategy of talking goody good things about you on your face or in public and then asking for some heavy favors from you later. If you have had such an experience multiple times, then you can assume that the great things he/she talks about you is not a compliment but flattery
3. At times it may also happen that people who are jealous of you may upfrontly and excessively appreciate you, so that you can climb up the hill of ego and pride and once they notice you on the top of the that hill, they will then execute their next move to push you down (This may sound like some sort of dirty politics, but I have seen many people who do indulge in such strategies and aim at defeating fellow employees who are in the race to the next promotion)
4. Finally, whenever you receive a compliment hold on and think if it is true and that if this person who is complimenting you knows you on a personal front. If you find that the compliment sounds too heavy (& untrue) then you better stay grounded and be on a alert regarding that individual

When does love hurt?

According to Psychcentral, the chances of infidelity over the course
of your entire relationship is 25 percent

I think it is expectation that hurts more than anything else. We expect a certain 'kind' of love from someone and when that person fails to make us feel loved the way we want to, the result is that we feel hurt.
For me, love consists of three components and if any one of these is missing, I will feel unloved.

1. Understanding
2. Care
3. Support

Keeping this view in mind, let me make an attempt of redefining love.

I have witnessed that people are more focused on things like buying gifts and being on Whatsapp for hours and meeting regularly over a coffee. Although, these actions do form a part of expression of love but these actions are like rituals that may keep a relationship alive. However, they are not the determinants of whether the love between you and the other person is true or not. These are simply ways of understanding each other on an emotional level.

The question is- Is understanding and care going hand in hand?

If understanding is accompanied with a lack of care then it simply means that your 'interest' in your partner is dying down (for whatever reasons) and if care is good but understanding is missing then sooner or later your partner will feel like he or she is with a mechanical caretaker and not a life partner.

To conclude, I think that love is a blend of understanding and care and if any one out of these two is missing then a total collapse of what you perceive as 'Love' awaits, which in turn makes one feel that 'love' hurts.

In addition to this, being in one-sided love is equally painful.

What is the importance of human relationships? Why do we need people? After all, we are born alone and we die alone?

Relationship is the way in which two or more people or
things are connected, or the state of being connected.

One of major foundations of the system that governs us has been the fact that we are highly dependent on others for our survival. The first instance in our lives where we can clearly notice this dependency is the time of our birth, we are born inside a womb and are depended completely on our mothers every bit of nutrition that we receive at that early stage when our body is being constructed. Although in a way, we are highly independent when we die but then there still remains a good deal of dependency for the final rites of our dead bodies.
So, what really am I trying to say here?I think the only aspect that beautifies this system of dependency that governs us is 'relationships'. When we as human species create connections with our fellow humans we invite endless possibilities in our life experiences. 

Can someone live with no relationships with his or her fellow human beings? 

Yes, of course. But then what kind of a Life will that be? Specially if we take into consideration that we as humans have been made with an inner predilection towards others who share this planet with us, the matter becomes clear from confusion.
Personally, I think of a Life with no relationships, as incomplete and here are some reasons why relationships are important -

1. We learn and evolve not just using textbooks and applying our knowledge in our work or by merely responding to our inner calling. True learning and evolution includes the art of dealing with a variety of people 
2. People play a crucial role in our lives, sometimes they put a smile on our faces when we have forgotten about it. Sometimes, they make us feel depressed too. In either case, we become strong and that is what matters at the end
3. To be human is to love others for who they are. Without relationships we are bound to feel empty (Of course, it is a different matter altogether that some people in order to support their belief about being isolated, would never show how empty they feel within)
4. Finally, we need to accept that emotions dominate over logic and that makes the whole difference in the way we deal with people. Emotional needs are critical and they need to be given priority. If I were to make a list of 'things' that are a source of emotional satisfaction, with no doubt, human relationships would be among the top three if not on the top itself

Can we really get rid of Suffering?

Pain is when events or people turn against you (deliberately or unintentionally) and that in turn hurts you emotionally/mentally or even physically. Pain, when remains uncured or keeps on returning after short breaks of temporary relief, one can say that one is going through 'suffering’. 

Suffering is ‘pain’ from all aspects of life, grouped together. 

Buddha once said that all life is suffering. Was he hinting at the very nature of life and all that it governs.
Are we born to suffer?
If not then what was he trying to say?

Since a long time, I have noticed that great thoughts and insights often come to me while I am deeply engrossed in some activity (this happens with you too, if you ever noticed). This happened with me a few days back while I was running on the treadmill, the trail of thoughts began with a question –

Can we get rid of suffering permanently?

The answer is both Yes and No. 'Yes', because suffering is a perception of mind and we can turn it off through an approach that I will be discussing soon and 'No', because undesirable experiences cannot be stopped no matter what you do or how influential you are. You may conclude that you are happy because you have a great career, a big house, a nice car and a wonderful family but you cannot really guarantee that you are free from pain. Mr. Pain is stubborn enough to find a way to enter into your experiences. It can come in the form of bad health, a break-up or divorce, a loss of job or bankruptcy of your business. If I were to graphically present life, I would draw it this way.

Life should be clearly understood as a matter made of a unit called ‘time’ which is never still but keeps on fluctuating through desirable times or happiness and undesirable times or suffering.

Here is a quote that forms the very essence of all my thoughts that have so far occurred to me about this subject.

If you cannot get rid of suffering – make suffering ‘IRRELEVANT’

How to make Suffering IRRELEVANT? - Coming Soon

How can I remove my hesitation for speech in front of public?

Glossophobia or speech anxiety is the fear of public speaking or of speaking in general.
The word glossophobia comes from the Greek 'glōssa', meaning
tongue, and phobos, fear or dread.

By practicing speaking in front of an audience small in number made up of people who are known to you.Consistent practice is the key. I would recommend you to be a part of the Toastmasters club (google them to know more) and be a part of your nearest toastmasters club.
Apart from the conventional methods like improving your vocabulary and practicing with audience as well as in front of the mirror, I suggest you to start regularly visualizing yourself in front of a crowd giving a speech at the peak of your confidence. Make that picture as vivid and as clear as possible. Also visualize a positive audience reaction to you. Doing such a creative visualization will help your brain to rewire itself and that will be of immense help in getting you out of public speaking fear.

Finally, know that no one is perfect and even if you make mistakes people will forget them by late evening. But think of it on the lines of how regretful you will eventually become (may be in a few months or years) if you do not 'Talk' your thoughts out loud to people, today. What if your speech contains the message that most of them need to hear?

THINK!!!

Are you labelled as the QUIET GUY? How to deal with it?

As an introvert turned extrovert, I remember following a process that helped me get out of "the quiet guys club". I have tried simplifying it here:

1. I read a lot and I love to read. It can be a book, an internet article, a newspaper or magazine column or simply those dozens of newsletters from various websites that fill up my gmail inbox everyday
2. Although, I read because I love to. But it also helps me in polishing my communication, adding more words to my vocabulary and adds a good deal of information about a variety of subjects in my awareness. The next step is where the rubber touches the road and wheels start revolving
3. When I meet people (irrespective of who/how they are) I do not really make any special effort to start a dialogue with them, rather, I listen to them for a while and then just make a casual comment on the subject being talked about. However, I make sure that what I say is impressive enough for them to know that they are in conversation with a 'no-nonsense' person. Once the conversation gets started I keep on observing them and the topics they choose to talk about. Once it gets clear to me about what interests them the most, I then mentally prepare myself by bringing all the relevant information regarding those subjects in front of me and put it across to them in the most interesting manner possible
4. Although what I am talking about is not the only way but one among many ways to take the exit route from the "quiet guys club". I feel that making people interested in you is of vital importance and this happens only when you firstly show interest in them
5. Understand, being called 'a quiet guy' is a fine thing, if you are around people who do not matter to you much, whereas those who do matter, I believe they love you for what you are and so all these things that I jotted down doesn't matter

Three DON'TS that will free you from a lot of negative energy

1. Spending way too much of time on things that are unproductive. eg, watching TV for long hours. It is cool when you watch it for an hour or an hour and a half but when you watch TV and that too some of the most ridiculous TV soaps for more than 3 hours, it transforms into becoming quite 'uncool'
2. Having a 'too much' social media presence. As long as you keep it sane, all cool. The moment you passionately start posting every lunch and dinner and every new book that you are reading, your profile and your persona begins appearing uncool
3. Giving too much importance to insignificant gossips while indulging in them too. Again, a little gossip is cool, in fact 'talking' is one of those primary things that makes us humans and distinguishes us from other animals. But when we are focused on someone else's business and gossip excessively about the same, it ends up becoming a habit, a self-destructive habit that adds no value to life 

One-Sided Love? Have you ever loved someone who did not love you back?

When we are loving towards someone and are looking forward to take the relationship forward but do not receive the equivalent signals from him/her is for me a perfect description of a 'one-sided love'. It is all a play of emotions and that is what adds complexity to the matter as 'strong emotions' drive men and women insane. I think when logic and emotions are battling each other, it is the emotions that mostly triumph over logic and reasoning. This is precisely why when we fall for someone and continue yearning them even after becoming aware that they aren't interested in us. Reason says - "Move on" & Emotions says - "Persevere till you make her/him love you".

I have fallen into the one-sided love stories more than once and here is a list of things that will help you understand and handle a situation like that in a way that will lead to freedom (from pain) & happiness.

1. Like I said before, it is all a play of emotions within you that make you yearn for that person and if these emotions are kept unchecked then they will drive you insane. Period. The solution is to catch yourself the moment you feel like you are getting romantically inclined towards someone and balance those emotions with strong reasoning. Ask yourself sensible questions that will help you get the right perspective.
2. Try befriending new people.If possible, try connecting with like minded people specially from the opposite gender. I do not have any sound backing for the reason why I mentioned 'opposite gender' but I have noticed that whenever I added new female friends (I mean pure friendship and nothing else) to my social life it helped me get my emotional inclination towards that "one girl" under control. But, I have always kept my values under check, as I did not make friends just to get over my one-sided love relationships. In fact I am proud to say that many friends in past few years that I made while going through that phase, are still there with me and have we all have now become best buddies
3. The final key is to make yourself understand that any relationship needs a minimum of two pillars to balance itself and not one. You can surely try getting closer to them and understand them, support them and love them for all that they are but in no way can you make them fall in love with you. However, if your love is so true that you can even take bullets for them, then they need to be matured enough to see the truthfulness of your love and take the next step towards you with no doubts in mind.

What can I do for 10 minutes every day that will change my life?

The Kaizen approach

There are a couple of simple yet powerful list of things that will lead to a life changing experience.

1. At the very start of your day just sit and plan your To-Do-List. Plan every task, no matter how small or big. It will be even better if you make the task list and assign the duration of time that will be required.
2. Watch a TED Talk using the TED app where you can set the 10 minute duration and the app will filter all the TED talks that are approx 10 minutes long
3. You can also invest 10 minutes in being mindful about what you eat. You can do this by recording it in the app called 'My Fitness Pal', where you can view the total number of calories you've consumed throughout the day. If you feel like you are undereating or overeating you can correct your eating habits by using this app.
4. If you are a victim of heavy work stress then I would recommend you to listen to nature sounds for 10 minutes everyday. You can find them on YouTube or simply download them from any free mp3 website. Close your eyes and listen to Nature sounds and allow your mind a break from everything that you are busy thinking and analyzing about. 
5. Read, reflect and summarize a page of 'Who will cry when you die' by Robin Sharma everyday, once you are done with this book, go for '7 Spiritual Laws of of Success' by Deepak Chopra 
6. Last but not the least invest 10 minutes everyday in preparing and drinking a smoothie that will give a good-health booster. You can Google about them or read this article for more information. 6 Ingredients for Super-Healthy Smoothies

How do I overcome jealousy? What really causes jealousy?

When you compare yourself against other
you are vulnerable to become jealous

The way I started battling jealousy within myself is by understanding where it stems from. Jealousy comes when you compare yourself with others. The antidote to this, is to understand that just because an apple is more popular than an orange, thanks to Apple Inc, does not in any way make an orange less important or insignificant. Both are essentially fruits and it is intellectually insane to compare them against each other. 

All we need to do is to understand that our life's journey is totally different than that of others and when we accept the truth that just like others have their own set of strengths and talents, we too have within us, some really awesome and unique bunch of talents and strengths. 

Understand, the person who is blessed more than you is not better than you, the problem with jealousy is that it ends up making him/her superior and makes ys feel inferior, even though we may not usually think about ourselves that way. The end of jealousy is to love yourself and to be focused on your own progress than looking at others with awe and then wonder 'WHY not we and WHY them, always', after all an apple may have a more sexier appeal among fruits but it is no where a match, when it comes to the Vitamin C content which is where orange nails it (if you know what I mean).

What '5 don'ts' have I learnt from people's failures?

Best lessons are learnt when life knocks you down
as opposed to when you are at the top of everything

1. Whenever you follow people's advice or suggestions on the cost of your own inner drives, you are making a mistake that will lead to tougher times of self-doubt. Worse case scenario is when you ignore your stronger vibes coming from within about a particular matter just because you are conditioned to listen or pay heed to what your elders, friends, or your colleagues think about what you should do. Lesson to be learnt - Follow your inner wisdom and make sure that your decisions are in alignment with your values and beliefs and not someone else's values or beliefs. Even if you take a wrong decision, you will not blame others instead you will evolve through it and become better than before.
2. See things as they are but not worse than what they are. In times of crisis we tend to make this mistake. We become overloaded with stress or emotional breakdowns and the byproduct of this is that we magnify our problems to such an extent that it ends up becoming a real issue (even though in essence it is not) and eventually we lose control of the situation thus allowing that matter to become the centre of our life around which everything starts revolving
3. Most people end up becoming shortsighted in terms of plans, actions and vision. In many people's case I have clearly seen that enjoying short-term-gratification and sacrificing long-term-value-addition leads to an unsatisfactory life. 
4. One of the most common ways that most people despite of earning millions, traveling the world or becoming CEOs of major corporations end up becoming frustrated as oppose to happy and cheerful, is when one becomes too superficial and loses complete touch with the spiritual side of life. Spirituality is a necessary ingredient for a balanced life. 
5. Lastly, not knowing oneself or failing to understand one's strengths or weaknesses and just going with the flow (like a dead fish) is a path that will guarantee failure. I remember reading a quote from Sun Tzu that resonates with this thought, it goes something like this - “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” Although, this quote is more applicable under the context of a War strategy which is precisely what Sun Tzu was into. But I think it is equally applicable in the war that we common people fight everyday.

What are some of the ways to be Emotionally stronger?

Emotional strength comes from knowing your own self

There are some ground rules that I have established for myself and I am happy to say that they have worked for me.

1. Having as less of interaction as possible with pessimists or narcissists as the company you keep most often tends to affect your mental and emotional state 
2. Spending more time with happy and peaceful souls as the company you chose to spend most of your time with is often time powerful enough to inspire or demotivate you 
3. Getting rid of the habit of arguing with people specially when the outcome is likely to be insignificant, as this is great energy waster and no good will spring forth from your investment of effort and time in arguing with them and trying to knock some sense into their heads
4. Meditating at least thrice a week for 15 minutes
5. Watch at least one feel-good movie every week (if you can watch it with your positive fellas as mentioned in point no. 2 above, cool. If not then better watch it alone)
6. Emotional strength comes from understanding your own self and specially knowing what triggers negative and positive emotions in you. Once you detect the external stimuli (a person, an event, a typical kind of behavior or a thing or absolutely anything) you can then move on and do a quick root cause analysis and understand what causes such a emotional reaction within yourself. In most cases you will find that some experience in your past or fear of a possible future ends up as the real culprit. Now all you need to work on is to LET GO of it. I would suggest you to try the Sedona Method (Google it to find more) to dissolve those mental and emotional blocks forever
7. Finally, keep yourself occupied with things that bring to you a greater amount of joy and peace in life. Once you are busy living the best version of 'yourself', you will have no time to entertain any kind of negativity in life.

Wishing you peace and happiness!!!

Have you ever thought of things that give you real happiness?

Happiness is your natural state of mind, it
is the complexities you get yourself into that
makes happiness a distant goal

It is a challenge for me to put a definition of what 'real happiness' really is. There have been moments when my mind was at its peak in terms of the way it feels and the energy it radiates. These are moments when people & circumstances end up becoming powerless in terms of affecting my mood. It feels light and fresh, as if I am on some kind of a drug that has doubled the levels of serotonin (a happiness hormone). The problem is that these moments are short lived. Here is a short list of things that allow me the experience of these "peak moments":

1. When I get up early in the morning and witness the sunrise while sipping the coffee and reading a novel. The reason why such an experience makes me feel good, is because I am a night-owl and I am habituated to an unhealthy sleeping pattern of sleeping late and waking up later
2. When I hang out with friends who truly understand me and inspire me
3. When I perform my prayers in isolation and get into a conversation with God, I end up feeling at peace with myself and full of mental and emotional serenity
4. When I succeed in bringing my Mind to a state of thoughtlessness during meditation
5. When I work-out in the gym and see myself getting leaner in the post workout selfie (Lol)
6. When I strike out all tasks in my to-do-list before dusk
7. When I meet like minded people and instantly strike a chord with them
8. When I receive compliments not really on something that I have done or achieved but rather on the way I have made someone feel. This is quite a superior feeling when someone happens to talk to me about the difference my action or even my words have made to them when they were at their lowest
9. When I make peace with a painful episode from my past that was bothering me for a long time just because I wasn't able to let go of it
10. When I successfully implement a change within myself like giving up a bad habit forever or cultivating a new set of skills or habits that lead to a better quality life

Although the list can go on but for now these things really do give me the glimpse of true happiness and the more I bring them into my everyday experience the more I learn about myself. I come to know on a deeper level about what and how I really am and about the things that have a potential of making me feel good & not-so-good